In case you’ve been living under a rock, which in this day and age simply means “have not been on the internet” since Thursday, then you may have missed the news that the US Supreme Court ruled same-sex couples can now marry in all 50 states. This provoked the predictable reaction by Christians and virtually everyone else on social media and beyond.
Tech companies like Google, Mashable, and The Verge are putting rainbows on everything and Facebook is even allowing users to rainbowify their profile pictures to show pride. You literally can’t escape the rainbow if you use the internet for anything.
Unless of course you are Amish and don’t use technology. But if you did I’m sure equal marriage rights would be the least of your concerns if you suddenly started using technology after centuries of riding horse-drawn buggies and churning your own butter. But I better stop there because I don’t want to offend any Amish who may be reading this.
But anyway. The sky is falling.
It’s a sign of the end times because we all know by now how much America is the center of the [end of the] world in God’s scheme of things — at least according to American preachers. The rest of the world can’t figure out what it takes to get God’s attention and send some judgment for all our wickedness. It’s like, He only cares about America.
He doesn’t seem to even know the rest of us exist.
Now don’t get me wrong, my life doesn’t really change one bit now that this has law has been passed . . . in the USA. And I don’t say that because of how I don’t live in the United States or hold an American passport. Nor do I say that because I’m Canadian and we have already passed gay marriage a decade ago (12 years ago if you live in Quebec, Ontario, or British Columbia).
But I do want to rant a bit about what it’s like to be second fiddle on God’s judgment scale. I mean we’ve passed these laws and allowed free health care for like half a century already, and we can’t get God to so much as send us a tornado to destroy a few mobile homes.
But when ‘Murica turns around and finally legalizes the same things we’ve made legal for years, it’s torrents of wrath and “all of hell will break loose.”
What about us?
Not even one single lightning bolt.
Are we chopped liver?
I mean, we’ve got untold numbers of people in this snow-covered wasteland who have not bowed the knee to Baal, but yet, it’s almost like… we can’t do anything as a country to get God’s attention.
It’s always focused on America.
America! America! America! Everybody LOOOOVES America.
What does it take to get some attention up in Canada for all our wickedness?
We keep going ahead and doing all sorts of horrible sins, and legalizing them even, to try to get Him to send a hurricane or an earthquake to show He cares about our behaviour (spelled the Canadian way), but we get nothing.
Granted, I realize we’re not exactly on a fault line or anything, but still. Nada.
Zilch.
He’s apparently going to unleash all his built-up frustration on America but after we legalized it up here, we got an economist for a Prime Minister, we survived remarkably well during a global financial crisis, and last year three of the top 20 banks in the world were Canadian. And not to mention that for the first time in Canadian history, we’ve had a more conservative-leaning government than the USA.
As a nation, we’ve continued to have a great reputation around the world as peacekeepers. And this is all continuing in the decade after “opening the Pandora’s box” and letting the LGBTQs have the right to get married.
What are we doing wrong?
Where’s the judgment?
Surely by now part of the country — my money on Newfoundland — would have dropped off into the ocean in relation to God’s stirring hot wrath over this one particular sin over myriad others that Christians turn a blind eye to? Yet, it’s being prophesied left and right that it’s on the way for the good ole US of A, of course. In fact, instead of destroying the middle class, they now make more in Canada than the middle class in the USA.
What the heck? Where are we going wrong? We’ve been getting blessed instead of cursed!
Yet most of my Canadian friends and I have to listen to and read comments like “if you want free health care then move to Canada!” like it’s a horrible thing to be a Canadian or a part of Canadian society. But yet, we can’t find the evidence of God’s hand being withdrawn specifically because of people who don’t follow the Bible are disobeying commands in it that they don’t believe in or profess to follow anyway.
We can’t pass a marriage equality bill, because look at Canada! The Christians who refuse to comply are being dragged off to internment camps and forced to bake cakes for gay weddings while listening to Spotify lists of Celine Dion and Nickleback on loop or else they will be mauled to death by polar bears while stadiums full of Eskimos watch for entertainment.
Never mind that none of these things are based on any truth other than some article someone found on the internet that portrayed one person’s isolated experience as the norm of the land.
Fifty years of socialized healthcare, and at least a decade (depending on which province you’re from) of legalized same-sex marriage, and we still can’t get God to wipe us off the map. But as soon as America does it, if His prophets are to be believed, it’s pretty much just a thin rope holding back the floodgates of hellfire for them.
Meanwhile, we Canadians just groan and go about our merry lives knowing that we’re safe if we don’t live in America, the only place God apparently sends judgment to.
Or at least threatens to.
